You know, I used too be so good at this! Once upon a time, I could sit at a keyboard and hammer away at the keys seemingly without reason only to produce a written text that usually held some meaning. I had a habit of really getting into it; of being able to pour out my feelings and thoughts into one cathartic entry. Now this screen seems so alien to me; this pathway to the World void of anything with true substance! Ha! I've almost fooled myself into thinking that I don't need the Internet; that all I want in life can be found live and in the flesh! There were a few moments there when I couldn't stand to log-onto the World Wide Web and I simply couldn't stand to think about any of the people I once loved. I was almost afraid of getting too close again; I was afraid of being truly seen again. Almost.
You see, I got to thinkin'. What do I really, really want? Haven't I pouted enough? Well, sure I have! What I really want is a connection again! I'm done with all that damned crying! I'm tired of having to consciously avoid the feelings that run rapid in me! I don't run from any of it anymore! I want to be amongst you again and I want your love, most of all! Please understand my silence, my reluctance, and my distance. I never was a simple girl. Ah, and I'm back, baby! No, no... I mean, really. My strut, stare, charm, confidence... the whole works, man! I feel like myself again and of course, I want you!
That's not the only thing back. I'm proud to announce that my Internet was installed earlier this evening and not even a minute later I was smack-dab on Messenger and LJ. Give me a couple of days to catch up on everything (even MySpace *shudders*) and hopefully, we can resume where we left off. I'm still a bit busy since I'm redecorating the current room I'm in and having to drive like... fifty miles to my sister's house to pick up the rest of my crap. Oh, I'm living with another Heather! Ha! That gave me a good laugh! Hopefully (fingers crossed), my room and all my stuff will be situated by the end of this week. Ah, and of course, I have to make some more cash. I had plenty of it but unfortunately it's gone to car repairs. I was out of work for like two weeks since I damn sure wasn't going to walk there! Ha! What a funny thought!! Besides, I've got to make some more not only for bills, but for New Orleans. Yeah, I'm going, dude. Nothin' stoppin' me there!
Not only do I have to pick up my stuff, but I must clean all of it!! During Hurricane Ike, the ceiling in my room caved in while I was outside for a...erm....stroll! *Maniacal laugh* Hey man, did ya think I would pass up an opportunity to enjoy Nature's Big Show?! I think not! Anyway, I'm lucky I'm so crazy cause the roof caved in right above my pillow... I would have been crushed! *Shudders* It broke some of my glass flowers, but nothing really major happened! Shit... I saved my computer while parts of the ceiling was falling through!! Hehehe.... my precious!! Basically, it covered my room in white, wet plaster... so yeah, you can just imagine how much cleaning I have to do.
Speaking of being crazy... I need to find a way to get back on my medication! I hate being so scatter-brained!! GAH!!
Over and Out!
Angelina